It was December... amid all the hustle and bustle and the rush of the holidays. Everybody seemed so busy, I myself was busy with a lot of things. Literally, I got so preoccupied that I even forgot that I'm expecting my monthly visitor whose been absent for more than 8 months!
Parties were everywhere! Late night gimmicks and pigging out. Everything seemed to be "normal" for me. I went by my daily routine. Until one day, out of the blue, I just thought of texting my OB why hasn't my period arrived? She was quick to respond that it is actually ok not to have it soon so my endo won't recur just as fast. But she said I can do a pregnancy test just to be sure. A what?! Yes. A PREGNANCY TEST.
I was nervous when she told me about doing a pregnancy test. First time jitters, i must say. Honestly, even if we've been married for quite sometime I never used a home pregnancy test (HPT)...ever... Simply because before I had this thinking that if I don't get my period in a month, that means I'm pregnant-- because my period was never late nor absent (not until I had the GnRH shots). So in short, the idea was kind of new to me. Funny, isn't it?
My hubby bought an HPT and I was reluctant to use it. So many things were running in my head. But I have to do this. I need to find out. And so I did. That was early morning of December 17, 2011. And the result: NEGATIVE.
I didn't know what to feel then. I immediately grabbed the HPT and threw it in the trash. I was disappointed. And I didn't want anybody seeing it.
That afternoon, my husband asked me if I did my homework. I just answered with a nod with no reaction whatsoever. I just felt so insecure that moment more so when I saw the way he reacted to my reply. We were walking then, out in the busy street full of people but he couldn't hide his dismay. If he could only pound his fist over something, he would have done so. He must have expected too much. I was just silent.
After that day, we didn't talk about it anymore. I guess it hurts to discuss things. We just let it be.
The next two weeks were busier.
We were supposed to welcome the new year with my family but then my husband asked if he could celebrate with his family this year since we spent last year with mine. I obliged. So we made the 5-6 hour trip to the province. We did the last minute grocery shopping. Very very stressful.
They were also having their annual get together. We were hopping from one house to another, one village after the other trying our best to visit his relatives, getting to know each extended family member. It was fun and tiring all at the same time.
Since I could not absent from work because of the backlogs, we headed back to Manila. Even with a tired body, I dragged myself to the office. I remember having sleepless nights. Oh... the drinking sprees? the motorbike rides? the clumsy parlor games?
Aunt Flo hasn't arrived but I'm having occasional abdominal cramps and slight brownish discharge from time to time. My bosom were a bit sore as well. Just as when I'm about to have my period. To me, everything was just NORMAL because I'm about to have my period except that my hips were getting wider and I found it even harder to fit in my working clothes.
My officemates kept nagging me to do an HPT but for fear of disappointment, I won't budge. I was in denial. And I don't want to see that look in my hubby's face again. It will definitely break my heart :(
My peers constant pressuring finally caused me to finally give in. I bought an HPT secretly. I did the test when everybody was asleep. I peed in a small container and used the pipette to put a few drops in the kit. It was kind of funny because I rushed downstairs as if I didn't want to see the result. After a few minutes, with a heart pounding so hard and fast, I went back to check on it. Guess what I saw?
 |
| 10 January 2012 @ 05:24 :) |
No comments:
Post a Comment